Graduation Day

Our sleep is restless, but eventually the sun comes out and Renee’s graduation day is upon us.

After enjoying a decent complimentary breakfast, we check out and whittle away the hours until the school doors are opened for friends and family. There’s a lot of scenarios and theories we speak about regarding Mother and Renee, but as the unanswered questions grow the conversation dwindles before finally extinguishing.

I text Renee to speak with her as privately as I can, since we haven’t had a Mother-free moment. Even though she has put on a brave face, I remind her how we care for her and when things are getting bad we can help her. But she has to let us in, has to keep us informed. Her reaction is stony – she has given to the pessimistic view of things and says she knows, but there’s no way we can help. It’s disheartening and heavy to see those words from her, hours before she received her diploma.

Finally it’s 3 o’clock and the air-conditioned gym is opened to us. We wait in anticipation as the crowd filters in. Looking over the program, we see she has excelled beyond what we thought – 5^th in her class, National Honor Society, high honors in multiple programs (some due to the college courses she has already completed). I am beaming with pride at her hard work and the potential it holds for her future.

The band strikes a chord and all the faculty and graduates filter in. I can tell she is having trouble walking in her first pair of heels and wonder if she regrets choosing them during our shopping trip for her graduation outfit when she came to see us on spring break. We also scan to find her beau (located a few rows behind Renee). We nudge each other when they are called to the stage and wonder if we will meet this mysterious person later on. (We don’t).

The ceremony itself is as lackluster as I remember mine being and beyond my sister’s accomplishments, I zone out for most of it.

The band plays out the graduation, but exiting the gym takes a long time due to the size of the crowd. Eventually we emerge outside in the heat and search for Renee. Mother has beaten us there. She calls my brother, Steven, and asks him to meet us to determine where we are going for a celebratory dinner.

He shows up a few minutes later, much taller than when I’d last seen him, sporting shades and a shaved head. I wonder what kind of crowd he has integrated himself with here. Renee has told me he is still pursuing drugs, still behaving irrationally and irresponsibly. His bald noggin makes me question if he’s become involved in a skin head organization, but I keep to myself. He is no longer the little brother I was close to and loved dearly.

A local pizza parlor is decided on and we split for our respective cars. When we arrive, two girls are waiting for Steven. No introductions are made, so best guess is one is his girlfriend, the other her tag-along friend. 20 minutes into our meal, another couple that Steven knows and invited show up – making half our party pals of his that our disjointed family doesn’t know. I’m surprised I can feel even more disappointment in this trip, but I do  – Renee does not even get to have her spotlight time during her graduation “party”.

Thankfully the dinner ends quick enough and we head once more for Mother’s motel room. There is a cake, but between the heat melting it and our lack of appetite, it sits in the box. After much to-do and uncomfortable small talk, we are finally able to spend a few wonderful hours with just Renee.