Ignoring the Seed

I have been a busy gal lately. Between work, personal craft projects, getting college set up and my diet/ exercise plan, I've had a hard time catching a moment for myself.

Last week while lying awake in bed, I wondered aloud in the dark to Lawrence about various things I'm worrying about or just thinking about in general. The topic of all of the pies I have my thumb in came up and I heard him sigh. Confused, I turned toward him and asked what was on his mind.

"I'm afraid you're going to burn yourself out. You're already so busy at work, taking on twice the responsibilities you did last year, plus now exercising and school. Something is going to suffer because of it."

I was taken aback, surprised he felt that way. I suppose it certainly made sense, but I'd not really thought about it before. I exercise on my lunch and would have my evenings and weekends free for coursework, so everything would fit into a day just fine. Sure, I'll be more than ready for Christmas break, but I thought I was improving a lot of things for the positive - getting healthy and in shape, earning a degree - I was focused on where they would get me in the future, but not what it may cost me now.

On the bright side, being enrolled in school has awakened something in him I've never seen before - some sort of hope for both he and I to improve ourselves. (We are both college drop-outs, due to some financial issues). Seeing me get back into it has made him entertain an idea he has always shot down before: for him to go back to college as well, after his school loans are paid off.

Some days I think he is more excited and proud than I for my latest pursuit, but I love seeing his face light up when the topic comes up, or how he can't wait to share the news with people. He's almost like a little kid.

In his roundabout way, he has both inspired me and planted a small seed of doubt. I am getting nervous as the days on the calendar tick off, one by one. To fight the nerves, I am focusing on making it look easy. If I can prove to him I can do it, maybe it will inspire him to stick with the idea of returning himself, when the time comes.